The True Art of Lawyering:  Keeping Respectfulness Between You & Others

  I recently saw a t-shirt on which the following words were printed: “The true art of horsemanship is keeping your horse between you and the ground.”  This oh-so-painfully-true quip will be among my high priority 2006 goals.  Why?  It is because I spent the bulk of 2005 recovering from a nasty and most ungraceful hurl from a runaway steer-roping quarter horse.  Another description of my little horse adventure (it was not one of our horses, thank goodness) would be:   

In spite of an extremely messy landing, a non-steer-roping Grandmom of five (a/k/a the wannabe rodeo queen) breaks speed and height records in her hurl through space after being launched from the back of a galloping quarter horse who knew what he was doing (unlike Grandma!) and who appeared to enjoy every minute of the launch and fun preceding it (again ….unlike Grandma!). 

My theme for this month’s column is covered in its title, The True Art of Lawyering: Keeping Respectfulness Between You & Others.  Most all of us are concerned with all the violence in today’s world especially when it hits close to home.  It saddens us, sickens us, shocks, hurts, kills and causes harmful affects to all of us directly or indirectly.  Law firms are not immune to the violence that exists in today’s world including:                                  

• terrorists can strike any where, any time;
• evil or mentally ill people stalk and all too often hurt or kill lawyers;
• former partners turn on their once-trusted peers with onslaughts of hateful accusations;
• employees point the lengthy and costly fingers of harassment and discrimination claims at their former employers;
• lawyers’ family members and friends who serve in our armed forces face deployment to hell on earth with no guarantee of a safe return; and the list, unfortunately, goes on unmercifully. 

Violence is a part of today’s world.  All of our lives have been touched by it from the frustrations of invasive security checkpoints to more direct confrontations with violence firsthand.

 Verbal Violence 

How do I define verbal violence?  Like the word success, verbal violence should not be defined by a societal definition, but rather individually on a case by case basis.  One of my definitions for verbal violence is:  any words, body language or related actions that persistently attack, demoralize, threaten, destroy or otherwise bring discomfort or harm to those subjected to such constant and consistent abuse. 

Two Minute Self-Audit

Ask these questions about your firm:

1. Do we have attorneys or staff members who talk down to or otherwise speak in a demeaning fashion to others?

2. Anyone in our office who curses excessively?

3. Do attorneys or staff talk negatively about each other behind their backs?

4. Is there loud arguing between attorneys or staff on a regular basis?

5. Any attorney who sexually harasses others?

6. Is distasteful, offensive humor allowed?

7. Are there attorneys or staff that refuse to talk at all to each other?

8. Do we have any "professionals" whose emails to others could win the "I Make Hitler Look Like a Good Guy" award?

9. How many chronic complainers do we have -- ones who can’t be satisfied unless they have something to gripe about?

10. Any just plain ol’ loud mouths around – good people perhaps, but annoyingly loud all the time?

Did you answer “Yes” to any of the questions above?  If so and it’s not a once in a blue moon occurrence, then your firm is besieged by verbal violence.  Can you quantify the damages if these situations are allowed to exist?  That can be difficult, but the harm done can be huge, hard to recover from and in some cases such behavior brings about the ultimate downfall of a firm. 

The Aftermath 

Think I’m sounding like a drama queen about this verbal violence stuff?  I wish that were the case, however, it is a rare week that passes when I don’t learn of yet another law firm war story about the fallout from unchecked verbal violence.  The injuries include: 

1)     Low office morale/lousy attitudes

2)     Widespread reductions in productivity and work ethics

3)     Increased malpractice & grievance risks

4)     Costly employee turnover

5)     Unspoken permission for staff to act rudely and immaturely just as the attorneys do

6)     The ongoing poisonous tension of unresolved disputes

7)     Fed up clients who take their business elsewhere

8)     Unmet goals year after year

9)     Excessive daily stress from the tensions within

10) Vast amount of money and time spent on arguing one’s points over and over ad nauseum (including the inability to obtain consensus among partners regarding big firm decisions) and defending the firm over harassment suits, malpractice claims and ethical grievances

11) The negating of time and money spent on marketing due to haphazard firm leadership brought on by feuding partners

12) Disrespect breeds more disrespect  

1)     Please re-read #12 above

2)     Unhealthy stress levels from unrealistic caseloads, unresolved issues at home or the office, unhealthy life styles, not being honest with yourself and others, lack of exercise, poor time management skills, etc.

3)     Low emotional IQ’s  (for more information, do a web search to bring up many sites on emotional IQ including information about the popular “The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book” by Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves

4)     Immaturity including two-year old style temper tantrums

5)     Self-centeredness overload

6)     Substance abuse

7)     Depression

8)     Enablers at home and in the office

9)     Undeserved, self-imposed arrogance or holier-than-thou attitudes

10) Chaotic, chronically disorganized office management

 Why are we allowing verbal violence in our firms?  Again, the reasons are endless, but for starters:

§       We refuse to hold ourselves or others accountable for their negative actions or non-actions

§       Many of us avoid personal confrontations like the plaque

§       It often seem easier to stay angry than to put the energies and time into making amends and changing our ways.

§       Personal insecurities which lead to “greater than thou” attitudes and actions

§       Self-centered “I” or “me, me, me”  vs. team oriented “we” or “firm” mindsets (e.g. my clients vs. our firm’s clients)

§       Some of us are just downright unprofessional and unethical

§       Attitudes such as “If I bury my head in the sand far enough or just ignore things long enough, they will go away.”

§       Insensitivity to and disrespect for others’ feelings

 There are, of course, no easy answers I can offer because I can’t force anyone to make the required tough decisions that would forbid verbal violence from rearing its ugly head in their office.  If I had a magic wand, I would use it to rid all firms of this internal and often unacknowledged threat.  And yet, in all my years of working with firms as a law office management consultant I continue to see the damages caused by the failure of otherwise extremely bright and compassionate attorneys to take a stand against verbal violence and its related allies. 

 The firms that have had the wisdom and courage to finally say “No more!” to verbal violence would never return to an environment where such tactics are allowed because the rewards have been too great including:   

• employee turnover is greatly reduced;
• office morale increases (almost instantly) and remains steady;
• stress levels among attorneys and staff decline;
• net profits grow; and
• client satisfaction spirals upward.   

The firms that have had the wisdom and courage to finally say "No more!" to verbal violence would never return to an environment where such tactics are allowed because the rewards have been too great including:

•  Enter at your own risk.

• Stay if your self-esteem is low enough to tolerate the disrespect and multitude of negatives generated by the verbal violence allowed within. 

• No whining about the stress of our working environment; verbal violence tolerated, but not your whining.

Among my top personal goals for 2006 is to keep my horse between me and the ground and my success in doing so will be greatly appreciated by my body and family.  As an attorney, I will continue to remind myself often that the true art of lawyering is keeping respectfulness between me and others.  What are your personal and professional goals this year and more importantly, what steps will you take to ensure your success in reaching them?